


shards

by thedevil_andgod



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:52:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevil_andgod/pseuds/thedevil_andgod





	1. #00.01

loneliness is dangerous, can drive a man to insanity. the moon is beautiful, empty, endless. rocks and dust make good company when you’re a stranger in your own body, luther learns. mining information, painstakingly noting down each and every tiny thing he feels may be important, vital, even.

he never doubts that there is a reason he’s here. soldiers are not taught to question. and it always evades his notice, how he claims the title leader, but follows his father everywhere. 


	2. #00.02

anger tastes like copper, slick on swollen lips, bruised mouth and wicked grin. fists burning, the skin across knuckles torn and bloodied - these are the moments that remind diego he is alive.

he is wrath and snark and bitterness tucked messily inside a hard shell. unbreakable. bulletproof. a man who knows the price of being soft and open. a man whoxhas the scars to remind him of what weakness brought him. no love. even when love seeks him out he pushes away. he cannot see behind the simmering red rage constantlt hovering at the edge of his vision. this is his legacy. the scars and the bruises. this all he has to give.


	3. #00.03

smile sweetly, whisper quietly, easy as pie to get what you want. never being told no - _knowing_ that you will never be told no - causes allison to grow up wholly boundaryless. it’s easy to be greedy when you run no risk of rejection. there is no line she will not cross; she was never taught how to tell the difference. four words and the job of a lifetime were hers. four simple words and the man she desired proposed. four, simple, sinister words and her daughter ceased to tantrum and behaved well as a saint.

she learns the hard way. that one hand gives while the other takes. takes more than what it granted. she loses the game of life as divorce papers and custody battles become home. no husband, no daughter, no job, no family. just a voice that could manipulate the world - and she no longer wants to.


	4. #00.04

screams are second nature. they’ve echoed in klaus’ head since the day he was born. growing up he figured out how to tune the clatter of endless noise out. they’re never really gone, but it’s muted, so it’s better that way at least. his father’s lips curl at the edges. the sound that scares him most is a disapproving sniff. beady eyes, glassy, emotionless, gaze at him from every reflective surface, every abyss he’s ever stared down. 

he gets drunk at sixteen for the first time. doesn’t miss the way the spectres disappear and the roaring fades away a little more with each mouthful of beer, whiskey, wine, whatever he can get his hands on. he spends the next four years chasing that relief, needing something stronger, something more potent. something that kills a little more with every taste.


	5. #00.05

he feels as though he should be free. the ability to move through space itself is a wonderful feeling. but his father restricts him. prevents him from exploring the true depths and extents of his power. he is restrained by rules and regulation and the teenage years are hard enough when you’re not a super-powered, isolated ~~freak~~ hero.

arrogance. his crime is arrogance. he knows better, is better, levels ahead of his siblings. it’s that arrogance robs him of his childhood, and arrogance that leaves him alone in a barren, burning wasteland for decades. plastic his only companion. he tries to run home but arrives at a burning, broken building. bodies scattered, sightless eyes gazing through him. he lost it all and knows deep down there is no way to save it.


	6. #00.06

he doesn’t want to fight. he never wanted to fight. this _thing_ inside of him, he wishes he could resist it. but his father pushes him and the others look at him expectantly during missions. they play their parts with sparkling enthusiasm and all ben ever wants is to just go home. but he does it to keep his father happy - or, at least, not angry - and to keep his siblings smiling.

ben is jealous, of vanya. she is normal. her father uses the words ordinary, not special, as though they are insults. ben longs for those words to be applied to him. rotted with grief for the boy he’d never be. at the end of it all, he’s never quite sure that it wasn’t the jealousy that destroyed him in the end.


	7. #00.07

we circle back to loneliness, perhaps the beginning and end of all sweet tragedies.

vanya learns the rhythm of the phrase, ‘’ there’s nothing special about you, ‘’, turns it over in her mind, tastes each syllable on her tongue. it never grows sweeter, never becomes any easier to understand. why her? why does she get nothing? it isn’t fair, but she gives up trying to be a part of things. it becomes very clear that she may be a _sister_ , but she’ll **_never_** be _family_. not in the way numbers one through six are.

then five disappears, and ben dies, and she hates herself for hating them. but you can’t compete against the super-powered sons who went and martyred themselves - vanya knows all hope is lost. and she misses them, of all the family, it had to be her closest friend (five) and the sweet one who did everything to include her. it’s easy to lose yourself in loneliness when it’s all you’ve ever known. vanya fades away - and wonders, was she ever even there at all. 


End file.
